Deeper Conversations Helpsheet
The listening that we offer in deeper conversations communicates value and builds connectedness. It says that the person’s thoughts and feelings matter.
Deeper conversations go beyond sharing information. They come out of the feelings and thoughts about the information. These are conversations that invite the youth to notice, reflect on and process the experiences, emotions and beliefs of their life.
Invitations into deeper conversations need to be timely and respectful. Giving attention to picking places where you cannot be easily overheard or distracted creates an environment where the person feels emotionally safe and guarded from embarrassment.
Conversations don’t come with a “one size fits all” script. Notice reactions and responses to your personal communication style and choose to make adjustments – and apologies! – when necessary. This shows that you are serious about communicating with them.
Not every young person is at the place where they have the emotional vocabulary or reflective perspective to go deeper than surface conversations. Inviting the youth to notice and engage with you in conversation about concrete things in the world around them can help expand their ability to reflect. Empathetically calling their attention to the feelings of others and naming them can expand their emotional vocabulary.
Some things to remember when trying to encourage deeper conversation:
Build a foundation of trust. Build trust through things like showing up when you said you would, remembering what they’ve said and sharing experiences together.
Ask compelling questions. The initiative to go deeper in a conversation usually rests with us.
Listen without correcting. Allow the person’s words and feelings a space to exist without needing to defend themselves. Hold back your opinions about what they have said, knowing that you can listen well whether you agree with what they are saying or not.
Reflect back what you’ve heard. Rephrase the content and offer back what you’re hearing about its meaning for them. This in itself often opens up the next level of sharing. Eg.“Here’s what I’ve heard. Tell me if I’m missing anything.”
Affirm their heart. Notice and tell them about where you have noticed the image of God in them. What evidence of His heart do you see in them? Be specific and genuine.
Wait your turn. Our stories and thoughts have a place in deeper conversations, but ONLY after we have respectfully listened, holding back correction and opinions. Ask permission to share your thoughts and perspective, making sure that your words don’t take up more space than theirs in the conversation.
For more information and to download a printable pdf helpsheet on deeper conversations:
At Lifeteams School of Youth Outreach our mandate is unique: to build a force of young urban missionaries who step into the world of marginalized and vulnerable youth across Canada with the life-changing love of Jesus.
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